Growing Old Is . . .

Watching the year you were born get farther and farther down the pull-down menu on a web form.

Seeing a commercial for new, energy-efficient windows to replace those old, drafty '90s windows.

Realizing the kids who were in kindergarten when you graduated high school have now graduated from high school.

Thinking kids these days don't know what real music is.

Acknowledging that certain clothing is no longer appropriate in public.

Not taking everything so seriously.

Not so bad if you don't think about it too much.

Bye-Bye Chemicals. Hello, Fire In The Belly.

My husband believes that some people overeat to calm the fire in their belly. He's not talking about indigestion but about the burn to do something, to love someone, to be someone. It's a real physical pang that most people are not ready to deal with, so, he believes, they eat to mute the internal calling.

I can tell that the chemicals from my anti-depressants have left my body, and now the overwhelming love and compassion I used to feel as a teenager have returned (except without the attachment issues, thank God). It's an uncomfortable yearning characterized by an urge to act, an urge to speak out, and a simultaneous urge to hide from these pressing needs. Sometimes I can't imagine feeling this way for my whole life, but after my recent period of relative calm and complacency, I welcome the moments of such humongous emotion that my body radiates with energy. Will it ever go away? As long as there are people unable to govern or protect themselves, there will be others to exploit them, and I cannot be at peace. You can fight the passion - try to numb it, ignore it, demoralize or deprive it - but it will always return. Peace isn't just a lack of conflict; it's knowing that you've done something to help bring that lack of conflict to its fruition.