Bye-Bye Chemicals. Hello, Fire In The Belly.

My husband believes that some people overeat to calm the fire in their belly. He's not talking about indigestion but about the burn to do something, to love someone, to be someone. It's a real physical pang that most people are not ready to deal with, so, he believes, they eat to mute the internal calling.

I can tell that the chemicals from my anti-depressants have left my body, and now the overwhelming love and compassion I used to feel as a teenager have returned (except without the attachment issues, thank God). It's an uncomfortable yearning characterized by an urge to act, an urge to speak out, and a simultaneous urge to hide from these pressing needs. Sometimes I can't imagine feeling this way for my whole life, but after my recent period of relative calm and complacency, I welcome the moments of such humongous emotion that my body radiates with energy. Will it ever go away? As long as there are people unable to govern or protect themselves, there will be others to exploit them, and I cannot be at peace. You can fight the passion - try to numb it, ignore it, demoralize or deprive it - but it will always return. Peace isn't just a lack of conflict; it's knowing that you've done something to help bring that lack of conflict to its fruition.

Learning Spanish! Soy mujer!

I just finished my first lesson at LiveMocha, a free language learning web site that is comparable to Rosetta Stone, but cooler because you get to befriend people and chat with people and help them with their lessons. I'm sad to admit I turned down the first three people who tried to chat with me because I was shy, but I'll get in there next time. I listened to a few lessons of other people and rated them, and people can rate mine, and it's an active learning community. What an exciting way to learn a language and connect with people around the world!